Nan died.

Pen dried.

Two years passed

in wordless gasps.

Grasping into a void –

the quiet blankness devoid

of former eloquence – and yet

so much still being said,

still being faced. Until

a sailor’s coat-frill

opened the sky,

which is why

I’ve kept

my pep.

I wrote about my Nan’s passing previously. It was a time of other darknesses coming to light. Anger and outrages emerged and I became unable to articulate my experiences in writing for some time.

Nan had several funny expressions. One was ‘If there’s enough blue in the sky to make a sailor’s coat…’ meaning – stay optimistic, things will get better. I think of it often and it makes me smile. Clouds may trim the blue, but the blue is there if you look. Her hopeful resolve was part of how she’d present herself to the world, and she was right, we can use the most hurtful things around us and try to make life more positive in all directions moving forward. I’ve been working hard inside, it’s taken time, but a new vigour is breaking through. I love you Nan.